A game of Pool.

Let the countdown begin! I have little under a month till I return to Texas. On a daily basis my cravings for queso, Whataburger, Texas sunsets, BBQ, tex-mex, Texas country, two stepping, pickup trucks, Blue bell ice cream, and football season (just to name a few) go up. Guy Clark said it best in his song Baton Rouge "Life is like a cul-de-sac, I'm a Texas boy and I'm going back". Now I don't want it to seem that I hate Edinburgh or Scotland. Every time I'm on the bus, or the train, I'm still amazed by how beautiful it is here. The fact that if I look up, doesn't matter where I am in Edinburgh, I can see this big castle.... Like when I look up when I'm at home I see the sun and this time of year in Texas you hate the sun with a passion. I was also lucky enough to experience my first Ceilidh. Which was pretty awesome. Which is like country line dancing. It was a rather enjoyable evening after I learned the right steps of course.

 I've come to realize that I will miss this place more than I thought I would. I will miss the fact that I can take a bus or go for a walk to another part of Edinburgh and it feel like I'm in a totally different city. I will miss all the green of the trees and bushes. I will miss going to a pub and there not be any loud music and the random dude in the corner with his dog just chilling while his owner finishes his drink. I will miss the my co-workers and mangers (Shout out to Paul) and all the other lovely people I have met through Bethany Christian Trust, who have all have had a huge positive impact on my year here in Edinburgh.


One thing I will miss the most, that I've recently realized, is playing pool. Every night at the House the pool room is open and sometimes I'm able to go down their with the residents and play a couple of games with them. I have had to really pick up my game since arriving here in Edinburgh. I thought I was decent until I started playing at the house against the residents and lets say it was a very fast humbling experience. These games of pool have become more than just a game for me. They have become a place of escape. These games can vary in the setting. When there are a lot of people in the room it is a time for everyone to talk and to crack a couple jokes while they wait for their turn on the table. Some times their are only a couple of people down their. This can lead to a little more serious talks or just the usual bantering with each other and offering each other tips. Then sometimes their is only one person who wants to play. These moments can be a sacred time. Sometimes the resident and I just play in silence has we try to either focus on what is happening in the game or just being lost in our own thoughts. Other times the resident will share with me stories of their past and allow me to share in their pain or in their joy. The conversations can vary from faith to past experiences to something that is going on in the present. Over a game of pool is just one of the places where I have seen and felt God's presence this year. Over a game of pool I can be offered a small window to see into the lives of the people I'm serving this year, of lives that are totally different than my own.  Over a game of pool my faith has been tested. Over a game of pool I have laughed. Over a game of Pool I have almost shed a tear. Over a game of pool I have found an escape from my own pain and worries. Over a game of pool I have found peace.

Alasdair and I at the Ceilidh. He is wearing a more traditional outfit than myself.

Here is one of my favorite songs of all time. It is called Stuff that Works By Guy Clark
Who sadly passed away earlier this year. He was known for being a story teller by the lyrics in his songs.

Lent Journey 3

 So I'm really late in writing this but I have been pretty busy and wanted to take some time to reflect a little.  Things in Edinburgh are going good. Last weekend I spent with some friends in Stratford upon Avon for Shakespeare 400th anniversary of his birth. We were lucky to have a good amount of sunshine for our visit. It is truly a beautiful city with a canal that runs right through the middle of town. Besides that I have been working a good amount. Things at the house are going smooth and I'm excited to continue working their.

Now as many of you know I have been talking a little bit about my Lenten Journey. I openly shared with this blog what my goals were for Lent (read the bible more, open up more/be more honest/not watch porn). I will start by saying thank you for all the support and prays that I received everything from Facebook messages to emails to face to face interaction to . I was inspired and strengthened by your prayers and I thank you.

I leaned a lot about myself. I have learned more about the person that I was meant to be. I learned about the type of man/husband/father/friend/brother that I want to be. My discernment, about what I want to do in this life, has gotten clearer. The most important thing that I have learned is how to be more honest and open with myself. I have looked deeper at myself about issues such as being more open or about wanting to stop watching porn. Realizing that in order to become that person (the person God created me to be) I would need to make changes.

The hardest part was to be more honest and open with myself. It was so easy to lie to myself or to distort things in my head to make them seem like something different than what it really was. And I would do it without even knowing that I was doing it. I had to face ugly parts of reality and discover how I was making myself weaker rather than building myself up. It was actually a relief when I took a step back and realized this, because I knew that I had a God that wouldn't leave me. That I have a God who watches both my coming and going. A God who know's my heart more than anyone.

I don't want to come off across as if I have discovered everything about myself or about anything or  that I have changed into this completely other person. In fact, I would say that I have started a path that is making me more me. It is a journey that will last a lifetime and I will never understand a lot of things but in Proverbs 3:5-6 we are called to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct you paths."

Again, I was encouraged by all the support I received. Community is, I believe, a core part of Christianity. We have to rely on our brothers and sisters for support when we face struggles. I did with this. I'm not saying that you should broadcast, like I have done here. But, talk with those you trust.

I leave you know with a song. This is from one of my favorite bands Shane Smith and the Saints
It is called Feather Wind. When I listen to this song I'm suddenly back at home in Texas.  I would encourage you to check out the rest of their stuff.

Lent Journey part 2

Time as flown by here in Edinburgh. Things at the house have been busy. Lots of people moving in and moving out. Rooms being painted and furniture put together. So far Lent has been going good. I do miss the my churches lent services on Wednesdays but other than that it feels like Lent has be flying by. Really this whole year has been flying by. I'm more than half-way through with my YAGM year and it feels like I just arrived yesterday.  Things in Edinburgh are going good. Days are starting to get longer. Last Sunday was probably one of the most beautiful/warmest days here that I can remember. Even though I still had to wear a long sleeve shirt and a jacket it was nice to feel the warm from the sun again while I went for a walk that lasted a couple of hours.

Now I wanted to talk more about some of my goals. I decided to work on my communication because I know that that is a weakness for me. I've always have had trouble sharing my feelings with other especially with those close to me. For some reason it is hard for me to find words sometimes so sometimes it is just easier for me to just say that things are alright. Other times I don't feel like I should burden others. One thing that I have discovered or realized is that when I feel pressured or put on the spot to talk about what I'm feeling.... I won't. Or will be vague. There are several different reasons this is. Sometimes I'm tired and don't feel like talking about something that is just going to upset me again. Sometimes I feel like it will lead to no where and I would rather just move one. Or like I said earlier I just can't find the words to say or don't know how to say them because of my pride. Pride does get in my way. Pride in not showing weakness, always trying to be strong. Unfortunately I sometimes don't know how to turn off my pride to allow others in. I want to and in some ways I have. I've just been selective about it and at times maybe a bit too selective. And to be completely honest I don't necessarily believe it is a bad thing. Can it get in the way. Well yea, and it has. So I guess in short, that got me even wanting to confront this aspect in my life, is to help me become the man God made me to be. I think in order to do that I have to be vulnerable but with others and with God.

My other goal, which I know made people feel uncomfortable, of not watching porn. was in part of me being vulnerable with whoever reads my posts. I know their are some people out there who wondered why I would want to talk about such a private thing out in the open. At first I didn't want to, but after several days of praying and thinking I decided share my goal for a couple of different reasons.
1) I think that the church overall is shying away from this subject (well a lot of other subjects as well). I know that it is very uncomfortable subject, But that doesn't mean we should ignore it.

2) I was tired of hiding it or pretending like it wasn't there. By admitting it I have felt more free or less like I have something to be shameful of.

I encourage anyone to look up statistics on porn and see how much of an effect it has on people. To share one statistic. 90% of Christians believe that the church does NOT adequately support people with porn.

I ask for prayers for the rest of my year here in Edinburgh, also for the 72 other YAGM's throughout the world. I also ask for prayers with my lent goals. Prayers for the residents who are in the Hostel right now, that they can get back on their feet.

If you have any questions or just want to talk about anything just shoot me an email.

Thank you and God Bless

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

My Lent Journey

I know I'm a couple days late on this. Lent Started on Wednesday and I wanted to post this blog then but it didn't get done till now... This going to be a long post but I'm sharing things that are really close to my heart.

So here it is. For those who don't know Lent is probably the second biggest season in the church (2nd to Christmas of course). Lent is the 40 days leading up to Easter. Usually people are encouraged to give up something for Lent. For example one year I gave up drinking cokes (which was one of the best decisions I made actually). Anyways, when you give something up for Lent, or in some cases take something up, like praying more, it is supposed to bring you closer to God. The idea is that for 40 days you you give up something that distracts you from God or do something new to get more connected with God. This last part has been lost to a lot of people who use lent as a "shorter new years resolution". Like with me and drinking coke. I was in 8th grade and I didn't want to give up cokes for a whole year which I still don't really drink cokes, so good can come out of this but it didn't bring many any close to God.

That brings us to this post. This year I have decided to share my "Lent Goals" with all of you whoever you are. I've been inspired to do this partly because of a book I just got done called The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg I highly recommend this book. In part of the book John talks about being open about our sin and how we become more of the person God made us for if we are more open about our sins/troubles with others. Another reason I decided to do this was because one of my "Lent Goals" is to be more vulnerable and open to others and I figured this would be a good way to do it because some of these goals, like the one I just mentioned, are going to be difficult for me and they are not easy and comfortable to talk about. So here they are.

1. Read the bible everyday- This is probably a more common one. But one that I think is very important. I think as a Christian I should at least spend some time everyday reading the bible. Whether that is reading 5 chapters of Romans or reading my favorite Psalm. Some days I can read 5 or more chapters of whatever part of the bible I'm reading at time (which right now is Romans) and then some days I'm either so tired from work or its just one of those days where I don't want to do anything productive and I can't even read a verse. Part of the reason I wanted to do this year of service was to get more into the bible and the past month or so I haven't been and I wan't to get back on track. Whether it's 5 chapters or just a verse. 
2. Communicate my emotions better- Just typing this was a big challenge haha. I know that I'm terrible communicating my feelings and emotions with others especially those close to me. I'm gong to be posting a blog all about this in the next couple of days. 
3. No porn- And finally the the unspeakable one. Again I will post a blog about this one later on. 

Now that ya'll know what my goals are I ask for your prayers. Prayers for strength, peace, courage and for perseverance. I chose these three because I think they will all help shape me into the man I want to be or the me that God made me to be. At the end of Lent I will post another blog talking about the things I learned or I kinda like a report of how it all went. 

If you would like to talk more about any of these things please email me and I would love to talk with you and if you would like prayers for your own Lent journey please let me know! Thanks and God Bless!